Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Beat the backpackers

If you want to be an Astronaut when you grow up, you have seven days left.

Want to travel somewhere off the beaten path? Sick of hearing your holiday hotspots declared “passé”? For once you can go somewhere without some world weary backpacker telling you they visited it five years ago, before it was spoiled by tourism.

Virgin Blue, the Australian branch of the Virgin airline group, have put together a competition that is, quite literally, out of this world. Every time you earn frequent flyers points, you enter a competition. The prize? A trip to space.

Or to be precise, enough reward points for a sub-orbital space flight with Virgin Galactic, the first airline that plans to actually send its customers into orbit.

You don’t have to pick space flight. Your reward could also be a pair of Alfa Romeo cars, a shopping spree worth $170,000, or a luxury holiday worth $150,000. Velocity Rewards, the reward program of Virgin Blue, will give you twenty five million reward points to spend. It’s probably the biggest reward any frequent flyer program has ever given out and certainly the most glamorous way to spend points.

And forget saving your miles for a year to get this prize, this is as many points as twenty five thousand return economy flights from Sydney to Brisbane or Melbourne would earn you. Five thousand if you fly business class. Twelve thousand return trips from Sydney to Perth, although it does beg the question of what the hell you are going to do in Perth that many times. Approximately fifty thousand hours flying, including at least a thousand hours of turbulence.

One hundred and fifty thousand hot Virgin Blue hosties provided for you to fantasize about later.

Virgin Blue has always had an eye for the flash, in their promotions and in their hosties too. They don’t have any ugly ones, (rumour has it they have an unofficial and illegal “we only hire hotties” policy) although a few appear to have painted themselves an alarming shade of Oompa Loompa orange. Perhaps it makes them easier to see if the plane goes down. You can only wonder how they will apply all that orange foundation in space without the aid of gravity. Among Virgin’s many other offerings, perhaps they can release Virgin Vie Zero G, the first cosmetics line the space traveller who wants to beat the backpacker blues and look as hot as a rocket burning up on re-entry.

One small step for man, one hell of a lot of time watching the in-flight safety demonstration and wondering if this will be the flight that mars Virgin’s safety record. Probably not really an option for nervous flyers.

I tried to check the odds on a web site that calculates the odds of a plane crash, based on the location and airline safety record, but the site – – had, appropriately enough, crashed. An ominous sign, perhaps, or were the admin just trying to get their air miles up before the cut off on June 30th?

Exact dates for the first sub-orbital space flights have not been confirmed, but passengers who will fly in Virgin Galactic's first year of operation will be expected to be amongst the first 1,000 people to go to space. It’s not for tourists either – even the most serious of intrepid backpackers would have difficulty coming up with the $200,000 US dollars you normally need to pay for it. Three days of training will be needed to prepare for the flight, which will travel to 50,000 feet at over three times the speed of sound, gravity crushing your body into your seat for a lot of the trip. Small wonder that, when you look at the poll on the Velocity website, so many people have picked a preferred option of a shopping spree to dealing with zero G.

It’s a tough choice, especially in the current economic climate. Do you take the shopping and run, or drive away in the cars? Do you take advantage of downsizing and spend a year on a luxury holiday? Or do you take the ultimate trip, a trip so exclusive and expensive that your fellow tourists so far number under 500? Just forty years after the first man walked on the moon on July 20th, 1969, you could be looking at the curvature of the earth from above. You could sail above world, silent and serene in the vastness of the sky.

Socrates said that man must rise above the Earth to fully understand the world in which he lives. Leonardo Da Vinci believed that when mankind learned to fly, we would be free. They did not have the chance to see this, but you do. All the majesty of creation spread out around you and the world glowing in the sky like a blue lantern. The earth, the heavens, the wonder of the cosmos.

And, best of all, not a single backpacker in sight.


  1. "a few have painted themselves an alarming shade of Oompa Loompa orange"

    I have but one question;
    Do they glow in the Dark?

  2. Further research is needed. Although I am unsure whether hosties are likely to turn the lights off on the plane and start a luminous oompa loompa striptease.

  3. "It's a tough choice, especially in the current economic climate."

    WTF?! Stop agonising over it and go into space. Who in their right mind wants a car or a trashy pair of new shoes from Target or wherever when Space is on the menu? Space, mutha****er, it's SPACE!